Fred Proclaims The Box in The Closet is The Best Place to “Chill”

VIENNA, VA: Fred Purrs proclaimed yesterday that the box in the closet was the best place in the house to sit and just “chill.”

Fred stated that “I feel like I’m sitting in Captain Kirk’s chair when I’m in this box. I’m totally in command—plus with the door open I get a full view of the birds in the tree outside the window.”

Fred is currently on the lookout for the best place for napping in the house. “I have it narrowed down to the clean laundry pile, the unmade bed, or the pile of sweaters” said Fred.
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Dancing Show Contestant Has a Fit of "Jazz Hands"

BURBANK, CA: The popular ABC show “Dancing with the Stars” took an ugly turn last week when one of the contestants (Bill Bonkers) got drunk on foreign beer and pushed the other dancers off the floor to show his “jazz hands” dance. Mr. Bonkers was promptly booted from the show for failing to abide by the contest rules.

Mr. Bonkers later regretted his impulsive actions when interviewed on the studio lot. “I should have never drank that whole can of beer. The can was bigger than me for Christ’s sake.”

Mr. Bonkers is said to have been looking into a 12 step program to help with his issues.
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