TALLAHASSEE, FL: Florida State University, Kappa Alpha Tau (KAT) fraternity brother Cliff Skitch, or “Skitchey” as he’s known around campus was arrested for possession of 3 pounds of catnip. Campus police working ‘jointly’ with state police captured Skitchey during an undercover police drug buy.
“The suspect’s backpack was bulging with the 3 pounds of catnip when we observed him entering the student union” noted state police officer John McGuiness. “A bunch of cats were following him everywhere. He was obviously under the influence of the drug and we had to let him sleep it off after we brought him back to the station and paw-printed him.”
State police acting simultaneously as the Skitchey arrest raided the KAT fraternity house and made several more drug-related arrests. Police lined up the fraternity brothers to determine who was under the influence or not.
One of the fraternity brothers not arrested in the raid identified himself only as “Turtle” and commented on the arrests “Dude, this is totally un-cool! Skitchey was just going to pick up a pizza for us man. Me, Skitchey, and Zeek were just sitting around totally jonesing for some munchies. Skitchey was the only dude who sac-ed up for a food run. Dude deserves a Fu&$*&g medal!”
Turtle added that “This is totally bumming me out. We were supposed to have a mixer with the Pie Epsilon Tau (PET) chicks tonight and everyone knows those chicks are totally easy once they get a little loose (in a lower tone) if ya know what I mean. One dude said he heard those chicks were in heat.”
Skitchey and several other KAT fraternity brothers have all posted bail and are scheduled for trial at the end of the month.