Harry Potter Nerds Line Up for Movie Premiere

SILVER SPRING, MD: Nerds are already lining up for the latest installment of the the highly successful Harry Potter movie series. The new movie "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" premieres this Friday, but cats have started lining up as early as Wednesday for the movie.

Many cats on the line are dressed up as their favorite character. The local school bully known only as Butch commented on the cats on line and said "I'm going to kick all their asses in school on Monday...you can count on that!"

The movie is expected to gross over 50 million this weekend alone in ticket sales. Although, the merchandising sales from all the nerds is expected to be much higher.

Alexander Kibbles who was one of the cats in line stated "This looks like the most exciting Harry Potter yet! I can hardly stop from peeing myself. Good thing I brought my litter box here on line." Look for our review of the movie in next week's issue.
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Cats Control Humans

WASHINGTON, DC: There isn't anything new to report here that hasn't been known for centuries. Cats control humans. It has been true ever since the Egyptians began to worship us. The silly humans are just figuring it out now. You can get the full story here.

Dirty Litter Box on the Prowl

WASHINGTON, DC: Cat rap -- or “Crap” as it’s known on the streets has been growing in popularity among US teens. Cat rapper Dirty Litter Box, also known by his initials DLB has been the most popular by far with his racy lyrics and top 40 hits “Go lick yourself” and “Gettn’ down wit da pussy.”

In a recent interview, DLB stated that “It’s about time a stank ass puss like me shook up the industry. I’m keepin’ it real like a heart attack…you feelin’ me?”

“These suburban house cats are lookin’ fo what they ain’t getin’ from their parents…and I’m here kickin’ it hardcore to give ‘em what they need” DLB added.

DLB’s latest album titled “Let’s Sniff Asses” is sure to bring additional controversy to the crapper.
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