According to Marley

A cat's eye view of the World

Friday, December 28, 2012

Yoga Posing Uncle A Constant Source of Embarrassment

Uncle Julio is reportedly "A constant source of embarrassment" to his nieces and nephews.

"Every morning he goes outside on the deck with no clothes on and does some weird stretching.  He says it's yoga, but I've never seen poses like that in my yoga classes." Julio's niece added.

Uncle Julio defended himself saying that "I'm just out here doin' my know...lettin' ma freak flag fly."

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Cat Tries to Become Cabinet Moulding

Felix Fluffers does his best to blend into the kitchen cabinet moulding.

"I am practicing the art of being a Ninja and being able to blend into my environment." Felix stated.

"Now no one can see me and I have the advantage on my enemy.  Ra's al Ghul talks all about it in that Batman movie." Felix added.

Cat Gets Irate After Losing Money In Vending Machine

George Garfield became enraged after losing $5 in a food vending machine.  He resorted to taking running leaps at the machine to dislodge the food he had paid for.  Then out of nowhere, another cat started fighting him for his food.  Garfield was able to get a refund after the property manager reviewed the video...and was able to finally stop laughing.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Decorating Christmas Tree Goes Awry

Decorating the Christmas tree with lights quickly gets out of hand for for Jasper.  "The whole thing kind of got away from me" said Jasper.

"I was just pawing at one of the light ends on the Christmas tree and when I went to run away, the lights must have got caught in my collar.  The next thing you know I'm wrapped up in lights.  And God knows the stupid dog was no help getting me out of this.  He just sat there barking and panting with his dumb tongue hanging out." Jasper added.

Jasper's owners unwound him from the Christmas lights after seeing his demise when they came home from shopping.

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Cat Embarrassed By Chistmas Card Fail

Dennis Tigger was reportedly very upset with the Christmas card photo his owner used this year.

"I have no idea what the (expletive) he was thinking!  Okay yes, I got drunk on some eggnog, but he took advantage of me and now he sent it out to everyone we know!" Tigger stated.

Mr. Tigger is purportedly pursuing legal action against his owner for the trauma he has had to endure.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Cat States His Case In Letter to Santa

OLNY, MD: Local kitten, Martin Snickers passionately states his case to Santa why he was a 'good kitten' this year.  Martin states the following in his letter:

Dear Santa, 
I feel I need to explain some events that happened this year that could be misconstrued as possible bad behavior.  

First - The missing fish from the aquarium
Let me just say that I heard the fish talking about running/swimming away the day before he went missing, and the fact that I was alone with the fish the next day went he went missing is merely a coincidence.

Second - Jumping up on the dinner table and eating the chicken
As a house cat, I have sworn to protect and defend the inhabitants of said house.  I saw that the freshly roasted chicken posed a clear and present danger to the family, so I jumped up on the table to defend the family.

Third - Spilling of water on computer keyboard
Yes, I have been seen jumping up on the computer desk several times, but that doesn't mean I spilled the water.  I was exiting the room to go inform the owner that the wind from the open window was most likely the culprit.

So in conclusion, I have actually been a very good kitten this year and I look forward to your visit on Christmas.  I would very much like if you could bring me the following: string, catnip, and fluffy blankets.

- Martin Snickers

P.S. I'd really appreciate it if you could take the dog, or at least make sure he goes missing.

Friday, December 07, 2012

Simon Says "Lay on Your Back"

In a vicious game of "Simon Says", a cat and a human baby get caught flat on their backs when Simon said "Lay on your backs." Paramedics were called to the seen by a passer-by when he saw them both lying helpless on their backs unable to get up. The passer-by said "I heard a lot of meowing and crying." The couple are Okay and have sworn to be more careful playing. Next on the list are the Hokie Pokie and Twister.