Cat Accidentally Washes iPhone

Local Dog Saves Cat From Fight

BALTIMORE, MD: Local gang members Lil' Bow Wow and Phat Kat were leaving through the back door of The Hustler strip club and nearly had an altercation with another gang.

Phat Kat said "It's a good thing my boy was there to hold me back, or I woulda laid the smack down on their asses!"

Grandpa Pissed at Kids Calling Him Gandalf

Grandpa Moses clearly woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  "Dag nabbit!  These damn kids keep calling me Gandalf and I don't even know who that fool is." said Moses.

Moses added "And so help me God, if I find out who keeps hiding my Milk of Magnesia I'll scratch their eyes out!"

Moses is also reportedly confused by a separate incident.  On a recent trip to the pharmacy he was attacked by a PETA activist who threw red paint on him and screamed "Fur is murder!"

Cat Unhappy With Living Situation

Oscar Beagle and Felix Stripes find themselves caught in an unrequited love situation.  Mr. Stripes complains that "Just because I live with a dog doesn't mean I want to be humped by him."

Mr. Beagle refused to comment on the evolving situation, but it is rumored that he's concerned that Stripes will soon be moving out.