Best Friend Pushed From Window in Jealous Rage

WASHINGTON, DC: Jacob McWiskers of the Adams Morgan neighborhood of Washington, DC was arraigned in district court today for attempted murder of his best friend Fluffy Kitty. An alleged argument about a feline of mutual interest was said to precede the incident.

Defense attorney for Mr. McWiskers stated that “What appears on video is taken out of context. My client was merely trying to save Mr. Kitty as he was precariously close to the edge of the window sill.”

Mr. Kitty remains in stable condition at Georgetown University Hospital suffering from 2 bruised paws and is expected to make a full recovery.

Eyewitnesses on the street below stated that “It was amazing that after falling 2 stories he landed on his feet.”

McWiskers is being held without bail for a court hearing this week.
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Litter Box Turns Into Quick Sand

BOWIE, MD: Young Douglas fell victim to the latest problem with fine-grained kitty litter. When going to take his morning constitutional, he was engulfed by the normally benign kitty litter beneath his paws as it suddenly turned into quick sand.

“I thought I was done for” said young Douglas. “One minute you’re doin’ a little poopy and the next minute you’re swimming in kitty litter trying to stay alive.”

Young Douglas’ product liability attorney added that “This is an outrage! The makers of Little Shitty Kitty Litter will be receiving subpoenas today concerning this. No cat should ever have to fear using the litter box. We are also considering a class action suit to prevent another tragedy like this.”
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