Owner Reports Printer Problems: Documents Are Ripped And Pages Smeared

CHEVY CHASE, MD: Computer owners Dianne and Jeff Printsky reported that their ink jet printer suddenly, and without warning started spitting out documents that were torn to shreds and with ink smeared across all the pages.

"I have no idea what could be happening" noted Jeff Printsky. "We just had the printer serviced last week and they said everything was fine. Now whenever I go to print something I have to go down to Kinkos."

The Printsky's have hired a compter technologist as well as a private investigator to look into the situation.
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Mail Order Brides Come 2 To A Box

CHANTILLY, VA: Eugene Shedder was surprised Tuesday when the mail order bride he ordered from Siam (China) came with 2 brides instead of 1. He wasn’t sure if he should be angry that his order got screwed up, or happy now that he finally has a shot at that 3-way he’s always dreamed about.

“It must be the population explosion going on over there in China that they’re boxin’ up chics 2 at a time. Better get ‘em while there hot and before they start chargin’ for the extra one” noted Shedder.

“I feel like the cat that ate the canary” Shedder mused. “We’re gunna have ourselves a little party with the 5 ounces of catnip I just bought. We’ll see where things go from there, but I'm counting on things gettin' frisky.”
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Marvin Under False Impression The Toupee is ‘Workin’

COLUMBIA, MD: Marvin Licksalot surprised his coworkers Monday with his new toupee. One coworker who wished not to be identified stated that “He had been bald the entire time I’ve known him and then he just walks in on Monday with that squirrel on his head pretending nothing was different.”

“It was disturbing” noted business partner Felix Cuddle. “I’ve known Marvin since law school and once he lost his hair I just figured he accepted it like the rest of us. Then, out of the blue he comes in with that ‘hairclub for cats’ bush on his head and he tries to go over a case with me, but all I can do is stare at his head.”

Marvin’s wife of 10 years commented that “I love him with or without the hair. I was shocked however when I saw that the color didn’t match though. After all, a wife always knows if the curtain matches the carpet or not.”
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French Ambassador Unimpressed With America

WASHINGTON, DC: French ambassador to the United States Jean-David Levitte looked unimpressed with the White House reception he received when meeting with President Bush.

“Pshaw…it was a ca’-ta-stro-phe if you ask me” said Levitte. “No a-French wine, no scan-ti-ly clad mod’els and no gourmet food. And what is dis bar-be-que da man with the belt buckle the size of the Eiffel Tower serves me?”

“I am missing the certain jenasaqua of when your president Clin’toon was around. He was a man de French could understand with his many mistresses” Levitte added.

“I am however looking for’weird to meeting daughters of the Bush man. I have heard they are up to our French whore stan’dards.”
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