Vigilante Rampage at Local Pet Smart

BETHESDA, MD: The Bethesda Pet Smart was riddled with bullets yesterday around 4:00 PM when Mr. Socks came back to extol retribution for items he was not allowed to return. No one was reported to be injured by the blasts from his AK-47.

Mr. Socks who was allowed to make a public statement after his arrest stated “All I wanted to do was take back a stupid lint brush, but that little bitch behind the counter said I needed a receipt. When I told her I didn’t have a receipt she said ‘too bad’ and then put up a sign that she was on break--that made me go ballistic. I came back with a gun just to show that (expletive deleted) that she couldn’t push me around. I just wanted to put a scare in them, so I made sure no one got shot.”

Mr. Socks remains in Montgomery County jail until his hearing this week.
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